Okay - so here's the deal. I'm committing myself to writing for at least 15 minutes a day. Now...some will just be ramblings, others will be wonderful (of course). So I'm not going to keep posting to my FB fan page - or should I? It's the fine line of overexposing yourself and reminding readers you're out there.
We'll see...I am a master planner. I suck at execution and sticking to plans.
This brings me to my first daily topic: Plans. Glorious, glorious plans. I love making plans, laying out how to accomplish a goal, spend a day, run a route. I spend countless minutes deciding exactly how I want things to happen and progress. The second the rubber (or New Balances) hit the road, the plan is out the window.
While logging my daily mileage (3), I started thinking about plans. I planned to start my day at the gym. When I got there about 8:30 a.m., I was on the phone and the lot was filled with mommy-mobiles (SUVs). I skipped and headed to my favorite Starbucks - the one near Costco, NOT GOVERNORS. Costco is not the same crowd - and I guess that is why I prefer it. As I pull in, I see Jason Dilocker's car. Yippee! I place my order and pull up a seat. We talk for a good 30 minutes before he has to head to work and me off to whatever was next. After all, the plan was already thrown to the wind. I'll come back to Jason in a minute and what I realized there.
Once home, the floors were swept, conversations were had and then it was back to the gym - no mommy cars, just a relatively empty lot welcoming me. SWEET. While spending time with my boyfriend Treddy, I continued to make plans: what program I'd do, what I wanted for dinner, what needed to get done this week. Fourteen minutes into the run, I took a deep breath and said, "Self, why do you spend so much time making plans when you know you'll never stick to it? Don't you realize that a plan (one to which people adhere) prevents emotion, spontaneity, and room for error?"
I thought back to my teen years, I'd planned to be married and have kids by now. That never happened. But what did has been better than I could have imagined. If I had stuck to my pledge, following the marriage/kids route, would have what I have? Would I have more? Less? You can't let your thoughts go there. I have what I have. I have done what I've done. I wouldn't trade either for what's behind door #3.
The the question becomes, as I become self-aware, why do I plan? I think it's a linear thing. I like to line up what needs to be done. I'll get it all done, just in my own way. I prefer on-the-spot decision making. Or perhaps it's the rebel in me, the girl who doesn't like rules and structure. Yeah, I think that is is. I like to see the obstacles and get over/through them in my own way. I love this flexibility, this unknown. After all, you're talking to a girl who has walked out of many safe/comfortable situations for the complete and total unknown.
Each time I've built my wings after the giant leap of faith. While the fall may have been unplanned, uncontrolled and brutal, the landing has always been magnificent. And that's something you can't plan.
Lesson #2: Husbands. I have about four of them; each married to others but would be here in a pinch if I needed them. They're the ones I go to lunch with, run into at Starbucks, and can just talk to.
Each of them are great husbands to their real wives and let me just put this out there right now - I have no desire to pull a Rayelle Hunter. I respect their commitments and would never ever ever ever (have I made my point???) go "there".
But what's great about these guys is that because there is that line, the friendships shift. They respect, show genuine interest, and listen. With single guys (or "those kind of married men"), there's a different feel. Singles send inappropriate texts, cross the line, and such. Married men friends never do, thus allowing more depth to the friendship.
After having coffee with Jason, I walked away with a greater respect and/or appreciation for the opposite sex. After allowing no-so-good fellas to come through my life, I see that great guys ARE out there. Maybe it's not just because they're married that they show respect, but it's because they're just great people. I'm happy to have their friendships, but even happier for their wives.